Achieving orgasm together seems like every couple’s goal every time they have sex, and a lot of people think that it must happen to have a satisfying sexual relationship. But in reality, simultaneous orgasms don’t always happen and it’s only one potential part of a satisfying sexual relationship.
Orgasming together can be fun and fulfilling for you and your partner, but it’s not as easy as how movies or porn make them appear to be.
Couples who have been together for years and in a close and loving relationship are more likely to ‘come together,’ since it takes time to be completely comfortable with each other and understand each other’s sexual responses well.
Why are simultaneous orgasms difficult to achieve?
Women don’t orgasm as fast and as easy as men. A lot of women have difficulty reaching orgasms with their partners during sex because it takes more stimulation for a woman to orgasm. Sex is often thought of as penis-in-vagina penetration only, which rarely makes women orgasm. Foreplay and other types of stimulation — such as clitoral stimulation — are very crucial for a woman to orgasm, which their partners (especially the men) often fail to do.
Timing is important. Even if a woman can orgasm through penetration, it could be difficult for the man to ‘time’ his ejaculation to synchronize with the woman. However, a lot of men cannot time their orgasms, especially those who experience premature ejaculation.
How to achieve simultaneous orgasms
A lot of couples may not have simultaneous orgasms, or at least on a regular basis. But don’t lose hope! It may be difficult, but it is still possible. Here are a few tips to help you if you really want to try it.
Don’t focus too much or pressure yourselves. It’s easier to orgasm when you’re comfortable and enjoying the moment. Focusing and pressuring yourselves too much on achieving orgasm will hinder you from savoring the pleasures and sensations. Remember, simultaneous orgasms are only one possible aspect of a fulfilling sexual relationship. Be in the moment and enjoy this moment of intimacy with your partner. Think of simultaneous orgasms as a bonus, and not the ultimate goal of sex.
Know what your partner wants. Your partner’s experience is just as important as yours, especially if you want to have simultaneous orgasms. Take time to find what your partner likes and enjoys. Focusing on your partner may even turn you on just as how they are turned on, and help you both orgasm at the same time.
Focus on the clitoris. The clitoris is extremely sensitive to stimulation, and is the only organ in a woman’s body that is solely for pleasure. A lot of women achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation. It could be the key to orgasming together.
Be in sync with your partner. Try to match your partner’s pace and take turns stimulating and pleasing each other. Satisfying both of your needs is important in simultaneous orgasms.
Control ejaculations. It’s not easy, but it can be practiced! Controlling ejaculations will help a man orgasm at the same time as the woman. Stopping the stimulation that triggers ejaculation could put a man’s orgasm on hold for a while to bring more focus on the woman’s pleasures until they can orgasm at the same time. There are a lot of ways on how ejaculation can be controlled; find out what works for you.
Use lube. Lube could also help a woman orgasm faster. It makes sex more comfortable while making stimulation more pleasurable. With lube by your side, you can also have longer sessions and have more chances of orgasming together.
Don’t make simultaneous orgasms a big deal! The pressure makes it harder to achieve. It’s not the only goal to have a fulfilling sexual experience — just one possible aspect of it. Relax and always remember that orgasming together can be achieved through practice. The most important thing is that both of you are enjoying the sexual experience.