You’ve probably read or heard of the expression “choke me, daddy!” somewhere before. And although it may just be a playful way to express that you fancy someone, the actual sexual activity of choking is something that should be taken seriously.

What is erotic asphyxiation?

Erotic asphyxiation (EA), or breath play, is a sexual activity that involves consensually restricting you or your partner for a brief period of time.

According to the people who enjoy breath play, it heightens sexual arousal and makes orgasms more intense.

No matter what you call it or how you do it, EA is a dangerous activity. And if you get carried away, it can be deadly.

Here’s what you need to know about EA to make sure you’re safe and having fun.

Is it safe?

Many sexual activities are risky. But erotic asphyxiation poses more significant risks (and is probably one of the most dangerous kink activities).

The foremost danger in EA is not getting enough oxygen. And without enough air, it can lead to getting lightheaded, passing out, and possibly even cardiac arrest.

EA can also inflict permanent damage to the heart and larynx, such as irregular heart rate, a hoarse voice, and trouble swallowing.

The side effects

You may still experience side effects of erotic asphyxiation, even if you’ve done all proper precautions. These side effects may include:

• Lightheadedness
• Weakness
• Dizziness
• Numbness
• Drowsiness
• Loss of coordination

Experiencing one side effect doesn’t immediately put your life at risk. But if it’s two or more, it can put you in serious danger.

How is it pleasurable?

Everyone experiences pleasure in different ways. And EA is one of the many kinks and sexual curiosities.

For some people, the thought of struggling to breathe scares them. While others get sexually aroused when they think of being choked. Here are the three common reasons why some people enjoy breath play.

Physical

When the body senses the lack of oxygen supply, it signals danger by releasing the hormones endorphins and adrenaline.

The body may confuse the rush of hormones as something pleasurable; thus, contributing to heightened sexual stimulation. But in reality, those hormones are the body’s way of protecting itself.

And within the whirlwind of emotions and pleasure, the warning signals from the brain and body are confused as pleasurable pain.

Physiological

When the brain is deprived of oxygen, it leads to lightheadedness and dizziness. But when oxygen and blood flow back again as the pressure is released, there’s another type of rush happening as well.

This is due to the release of endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine, which cause the head-spinning kind of thrill.

Psychological

The psychological pleasure of EA often comes from the power play involved. Some people experience sexual arousal from this dynamic.

The feeling of power can be erotic for some people, especially for those who enjoy BDSM. In such a relationship, the dominant (or the person in charge) chokes or suffocates the submissive. As for the submissive, they find pleasure in being controlled by their partner.

How to do it safely?

Educate yourself

Before dipping your toes into any type of breath play, it’s important to understand the anatomy of the neck, head, and chest.

This will help you identify which parts to avoid, and know how much pressure and force you can exert.

You’ll also be able to discover the importance of proper hand placement, and where you can place restraints such as scarves,belts, or ties.

Ask for consent

Like in any kind of sexual activity, asking for consent is always crucial.

Boundaries should be established even before getting into action because you and your partner should be in the proper headspace to discuss such matters.

Ask your partner as well if they have breathing problems such as asthma or allergies

And even as you’re already an engine in sexual activity, consent should be given throughout the experience. From time to time, ask your partner if they like what you’re doing and if they consent to what you’re about to do next.

Communicate with your partner

The submissive, receiving partner, partner being choked — whatever you prefer to call them — will have a hard time talking when their breathing is constricted.

In order to have some sort of communication between you and your partner, you should create nonverbal cues when boundaries are being crossed. Some examples are:

• Holding something, like your keys, and dropping it when you want to stop.
• Tapping a nearby surface, like a nightstand, or your partner’s arms.

The dominant, giving partner, or partner choking should also be aware of their partner’s responses and feedback. Some signs they should watch out for are coughing, numbness, pain, and muscles going limp.

What are the different ways to do it?

There are different ways to do breath play. And regardless of which way you choose to do it, please remember that there will always be risks involved. 

Choking

Choking involves applying pressure on the outside of the throat to cut off air and blood to the brain. Breathing then becomes difficult, and it could lead to the feel-good symptoms of erotic asphyxiation.

Take note to avoid applying intense pressure on the trachea or Adam’s apple.

Strangulation

You can use your hands or a tie, scarf, belt or other things similar in nature for strangulation. Just make sure that it’s not too tight or done too long.

To keep it safe, leave at least two fingers’ width between the neck and the item used for strangulation.

Smothering

A popular way to do breath play is having your partner sit on your face, or vice versa. When smothering, make sure you’ve established a safe word or signal to communicate when the pressure is becoming too unbearable.

Bag over head

Placing a bag over the head can cut off or significantly reduce air supply. Again, make sure you have a safe word or signal when doing this.

Final words

Because of how dangerous erotic asphyxiation can be, it’s best to talk to a professional sex therapist before you try it yourself.

While you have the freedom to engage in breath play, many experts wouldn’t recommend doing so. When things go wrong, this fun sexual activity can quickly be a dangerous situation.

Sources:

Holland, K. (May 29, 2019). Everything You Need to Know About Erotic Asphyxiation. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/erotic-asphyxiation 

Weiss, S. (July 22, 2020). Breath Play Is a Popular Form of BDSM. Here’s How to Do It Safely. Men’s Health. https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a33382089/breath-play-erotic-asphyxiation-bdsm/ 

Wahl, D. (May 14, 2021). The Psychology Behind Breath Play. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-self/202105/the-psychology-behind-breath-play 
WebMD Editorial Contributors. (June 29, 2021). What is Sexual Asphyxiation?. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-sexual-asphyxiation