Whoever said that relationships require effort from both (or all) parties involved was right, and the same thing goes for your sex life! No one is perfect, and even if you think you’re a good lover, you can still fall into bad habits — even in the bedroom.
There’s no right or wrong way to have sex as long as it’s consensual, but there are a few not-so-sexy things you might want to stay away from. Here are bad habits to break if you want to crank up the heat between the sheets and make sure you and your partner have a great time.
Don’t be shy! Communication, whether inside or outside the bedroom, is key in any relationship. Your partner won’t know if you’re enjoying or if they’re on the right track when you’re completely still and silent. Making noise in the bedroom helps your partner get a sense of what you like and lets them know that you’re comfortable and enjoying the action.
Tip: You can use words such as “yes,” or “I love that,” sounds like moaning and sighing, or movements such as grinding your hips.
Are you guilty of always leaving it up to your partner to do most of the initiating? Kick that habit to the curb, stat! Sex is always more pleasant when you and your partner are in sync and both are making an effort to please each other.
One of you may have a higher sex drive, but getting down to business shouldn’t always rest upon your partner’s shoulders. Speak up and try to initiate your next sexy time! It may catch your partner by surprise, but it’s going to make them feel special.
Tip: Tell them how much you’re craving for them right now or what you’d like to do with them in the bedroom.
YOUR orgasm or pleasure shouldn’t be the only goal of sex. As said earlier, relationships require effort from both (or all) parties involved, much like during sex. You need to give and receive, but you don’t necessarily have to be equal. Maybe you like receiving oral sex but not giving it to your partner because they don’t like it — and that’s okay as long as you’ve agreed and talked about it. It can become a problematic habit if you’re not doing something for your partner because you can’t be bothered.
It will also help if you ask for your partner’s preference. Don’t assume that you already know everything your partner likes, and if what they liked last time is the same every time you have sex. Be open to your partner’s suggestions because these will help make the experience better for you and your partner.
Tip: If there’s something you disagree with, better sit down and talk about it even before having sex. You can negotiate and meet halfway so both of you still enjoy it.
Are you guilty of reaching across the sheets to check on your phone? Being totally in the moment and enjoying the intimate experience with your partner will guarantee that you’ll have a great time. When your eyes wander to your phone, it can disrupt your rhythm and momentum, and subtly tells your partner that you’re more interested in your phone than having sex with them.
Tip: Create a non-interruptive scene before getting into action. Turn off your phone (or maybe even hide it somewhere for the meantime) and lock the doors, especially if you have kids. If you notice that your mind starts to wander while doing the deed, refocus your attention on your breathing or to how you’re being touched.
Faking the O
Sure, you don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings so you fake the orgasm instead. But doing so won’t help your partner and the experience be better! Faking orgasms will make it harder for you to reach a real orgasm, and it will make you feel disconnected with your partner.
Tip: Find out what turns you on and makes you feel good, talk to your partner about it. You could even guide them during sex by saying things such as “keep doing that,” or “go faster.”
Sticking to a routine
Making sex a routine and doing the same thing all the time gets boring. When things get too predictable, your sex life is going to get bland, too! Change the script and get out of your comfort zone from time to time.
Tip: Try different positions, different times of the day, or even different locations in the house. You could also suggest using sex toys and role playing. Get creative!
Not letting your partner know that you had a great time
Partners take pride in their partner’s satisfaction. They like it when their partner goes crazy for them, especially when it comes to the bedroom! Commending your partner after a trip to pound town will make them feel warm and fuzzy inside, and gives them a clearer idea of the kind of sex you like.
Tip: After the deed, you can say things such as “Oh, you did great”, or “you blow my mind every time you [your preference]”.