Shibari means “to tie decoratively” in Japanese, and it’s the ancient art of rope bondage — yes, as in the letter ‘B’ in BDSM. Tying up your partner — or being tied up by your partner — is considered sexy and arousing for a lot of people. But before you start thinking of the Fifty Shades of Grey kind of play, hold that thought for a moment and get a deeper understanding of what Shibari is.

What is Shibari

Shibari is a form of Japanese rope bondage that dates back to medieval and Edo periods (1200 CE to mid-1800 CE). It originates from Hojo-jutsu, a method that samurais used to restrain captives.

In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, this rope bondage art form evolved to the more erotic kinbaku, which means “the beauty of tight bonding.” Today, Shibari and kinbaku are popular among people who enjoy BDSM.

However, Sydona, a Shibari artist and instructor, explains that “Shibari is not inherently sexual,” and that a lot of people do it to meditate or connect and be intimate with their partner. Some also enjoy it simply because of the beauty of knotting and tying.

Why you should try Shibari

You don’t have to be into BDSM for you to enjoy Shibari. Things don’t also have to get kinky as you perform it. If you just want a new way to connect and bond with your partner, here are a few reasons why you should try Shibari.

It can strengthen your relationship with your partner

More than the detailed knotwork and pretty patterns, Shibari is a way to communicate your feelings to your partner.

Shibari artist Gorgone explains that “When you tie your partner, the rope is merely an excuse to interact with each other. See it as an extension of your body… Rope is only a tool to communicate. It’s the language, not the subject. What really matters is what you have to say, who you’re talking to, what you hope to hear in return, and how you want to say it.”

Just like visual artists and musicians, Shibari artists know the difference between mechanically performing a set of steps versus involving emotions into what you do. Shibari is a tool to connect with your partner by exploring their body, building trust between you two, and discovering a new and exciting kind of intimacy.

It encourages you to be creative

Shibari is a creative way to celebrate your body. In every session, you get to learn and master different knots and patterns. You can also customize your own patterns or add accessories to achieve the aesthetic you want.

Besides the knots and patterns, Shibari also involves doing different positions, discussing how sexual/non-sexual your session will be, and deciding on the mood and intensity of the session. And if you want to have something to remind you of the experience, you can take pictures of your finished work — with the consent of your partner, of course.

It’s a non-violent BDSM act

In Shibari, you can agree with your partner on how intense your session will be. That’s why it’s suitable for partners who prefer the gentler end of the BDSM spectrum, or those who want to try BDSM acts for the first time.

Final thoughts

Keep in mind that bondage can get dangerous when not done correctly. Attend webinars and workshops, and use the proper equipment for Shibari if it’s something you’d like to try.

Injuries such as fall injuries, circulation loss, nerve damage, and dislocation can happen if you skip proper training and get too excited to play beyond your skill level.

Besides physical dangers, you should also consider the mental and emotional dangers. Consent violations, emotional neglect, and sexual assault are just some of the possible consequences of a Shibari session gone bad. Always check in with your partner along the way, and ask them if they’re comfortable to proceed.

Bondage may seem daunting, but if you keep an open mind and be patient to learn the proper techniques, then you’re setting yourself up for an enjoyable Shibari experience.

Sources:

Zane, Z. (October 21, 2020). What to Know About Shibari, the Art of Japanese Rope Bondage. Men’s Health. https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a32145034/what-is-shibari/ 

Santiago, S. (October 19, 2018). The Art of Shibari: There’s More To Bondage Than What You Think. Wonder. https://wonder.ph/life/shibari/ 

Cee. (May 3, 2018). Shibari 101: Let’s Talk About Japanese Rope Bondage. Autostraddle. https://www.autostraddle.com/shibari-101-japanese-rope-bondage-350309/ 

5 Things You Should Know Before Trying Shibari. (n.d.). Shibari.ph. https://shibari.ph/5-things-you-should-know-before-trying-shibari/ 

What is Rope Bondage: Techniques & Tips (Learn the Ropes of Shibari!). (March 20, 2020). Lauvette. https://www.lauvette.ph/sex/what-is-rope-bondage/