What once was taboo is actually now enjoyed and talked about by people of all genders. The stigma remains though that anal sex is something only gay men do — that’s totally not how reality is.
Research indicates that aside from anal sex being increasingly common among heterosexual men and women, it is also practiced mostly by those who are not gay. It’s high time to wipe out the myth about anal sex being like “gay sex” because diverse sexual practices can be enjoyed by anyone of any sexual orientation.
A lot of people are also apprehensive about doing anything that involves the butt because it’s considered dirty from all the poop coming out of it, and they think anal sex is painful and uncomfortable. There’s only one thing we can say about that: you’ll never know unless you try! Contrary to myths, anal sex is enjoyable and can lead to mindblowing orgasms if done right.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably interested to go backdoor or curious about how it’s done. Well, no matter what you’re up to, we won’t judge you! Here’s a beginner’s guide on how you can get in the backdoor safely and happily.
Open up!
Yes, you must open up… your thoughts first before anything else. If anal sex is something you’d like to explore with your partner, start talking about it and asking about their thoughts on it. This is the most important preparation of anal sex (and everything else you want to explore in the bedroom).
Airing out your worries and expectations will help you and your partner have a wonderful experience with anal sex. This part will also let you establish whether it’s for you or not.
Negotiate.
If you’re still unsure of digging in anal sex deeper (pun intended), you could negotiate with your partner and suggest doing other anal play first.
Rimming is a basic of anal pleasure. This involves stimulating the anus using the mouth and tongue, and usually done before penetrative anal sex. You can do it slowly, teasingly, or messily (like a french kiss)!
Using fingers first can also let you have a feel how it’s gonna be like. Insert 1cm in the anus, and stimulate the penis or vagina while the finger is inside. Slowly twist the finger around for more sensation. You can also negotiate a boundary with your partner and agree on a maximum number of centimeters you can handle. This way, you can both enjoy without worrying about giving or getting more than you can.
Explore your own.
Whether you’re the giver or the receiver, it’s a good idea to explore your own butthole first. This lets you have firsthand experience handling a butthole, and having something in your butthole. You can do this while in the shower after you’ve pooped. Slowly explore the backdoor and have a feel of it.
Prepare the backdoor.
If you’ve decided to try anal sex, it’s time to prepare the backdoor before getting into action.
We’re sure you’ve already thought about the disaster of making a horrible mess during sex. Avoiding mexican food, spicy food, and eating a heavy meal before sex (whether vaginal or anal) will keep you out of a messy situation.
Poop on the day you plan to have anal sex to ensure that your bowel is empty. No need to do anything extreme to make sure that you’re clean. Putting more time and effort in washing your butthole while in the shower is enough. Contrary to popular belief, the anus and lower part of the rectum are not as dirty as you think. The rectum does not have a significant amount of fecal matter under normal circumstances. If you’re still afraid of any mess happening, have a pack of baby wipes nearby.
If you’re still not comfortable with just washing your backdoor externally, you can try douching, but do so with extra care. Make sure your nozzle and douche are clean to avoid getting bacteria in places where they shouldn’t be. Fill your douche bulb with water that’s a little less than lukewarm. Lube up the nozzle, relax your body, and hold the nozzle against your anus before gently inserting it in. Squeeze the douche bulb to slowly squirt the water. Repeat until the water running out of you is completely clean or until you’ve run out of water in your douche bulb.
To use butt plug or not to use butt plug? That is your choice. A quality butt plug prepares the opening of the receiver and help get used to the feeling of having something inside the anus. It can be worn during sex, before you get into anal action.
Relax!
Relaxing is the fine line between having a “wow” or an “oww” experience. Getting rid of tension and worry will make anal sex go smoothly. The more relaxed you both are, the more pleasurable it will be. Whether it’s anal or vaginal sex, both partners are supposed to enjoy the moment.
Anxiousness can cause the butthole to tighten up, and make it harder to enter anything in. Letting loose — literally and figuratively — will make the butthole easier to stretch and the experience pleasurable. As a receiver, trust your partner; as a giver, take care of your partner and listen or watch out for any signs that will tell you whether to go on or stop. Anal sex isn’t supposed to hurt if it’s done right.
Enough foreplay will set the mood right and help both of you relax. Do whatever will make you comfortable and get in the moment. Light a candle or have some wine, but if you’ve decided to get some alcohol in you, don’t go overboard and gulp down an entire bottle. You should stay away from anal sex (or sex as a general rule) when you’re drunk. Pain let’s you know whether you’re doing something wrong, and being intoxicated won’t let you know when to stop.
Lube up, my dear.
Lube is very important in anal sex. The butthole doesn’t produce its own lubrication and there’s barely any moisture there. Slathering lube lessens the chances of the anus from getting tiny cuts and any irritation caused by friction. Lube protects you, makes sex comfortable, and can also increase sensation — you won’t regret having a tube of lube handy!
Don’t forget protection!
Condoms are still highly recommended even if you’re in a monogamous relationship. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can still be passed and contracted in anal sex. A condom, if used correctly and consistently, is your reliable protection from infection!
Take it nice and slow.
Whether it’s a penis or a toy, the tip often has the widest girth, and the start is often what hurts the most. All the pleasure comes in once you’ve got the tip over with. This is where lube and communication play very important roles to successfully get in and ensure that your partner is alright. Taking it slow lessens the pain you or your partner might experience. If it’s too much to handle, don’t force it in anymore.
Experiment with positions.
There could be a certain position that will give you the most pleasure and comfort. Experiment with positions to find out which one works for both of you. Some of the recommended positions are missionary, doggy style, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, or spooning. Whichever you guys prefer, what matters is that you’re both comfortable and enjoying it.
No double-dipping!
The vagina has its own special environment with a balance of healthy bacteria. The anus contains its own bacteria that doesn’t belong in the vagina — so double-dipping is a big NO-NO (even if you’ve seen them doing it in porn). If you want to go from butthole to vagina, wash the toy thoroughly with mild soap and warm water, or change into a new condom. This prevents any bacterial infection from happening.
Happily ever after!
After your sex session, both of you should head to the bathroom to take off the condom, wash the genitals thoroughly, and do any necessary bathroom business. End your intimate experience with some pillow talk accompanied with kisses and cuddles.
If you’ve reached this far, congratulations! You now know some basics of anal sex, and you’re off to try it out! Always remember that the best sex is when both partners are safe and enjoying the moment!
Sources:
https://www.vice.com/en_nz/article/vbn3bb/a-beginners-guide-to-anal-sex
https://naughtynorth.ca/blogs/guides/anal-sex
https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2013/3/13/how-many-straight-people-are-having-gay-sex.html
https://www.onnalifestyle.com/blogs/news/anal-sex-tips
https://www.healthline.com/health/anal-douche#how-to
