Livin’ libido loca? In an ideal couple, both partners always have the same sex drive all the time. Aside from being unrealistic, libido levels aren’t always constant. It’s no surprise that any couple will be dealing with mismatched sex drives along the way regardless of age.
Differences in sex drive can cause problems in a relationship. The partner with a higher sex drive could feel rejected or unattractive, while the other partner may feel pressured, anxious, or guilty.
It’s normal for sex drive to change throughout a long-term relationship. Sex can be frequent and more spontaneous especially at the beginning, and eventually become seldom and require more effort.
There are a lot of factors that can affect sex drive, and most of them have nothing much to do with attractiveness. These factors could range from stress to hormone levels, but no matter what is causing the mismatch in sex drives, the difference can be resolved.
What do you really want
Is it sex, intimacy, or something else? Maybe it’s nonsexual affection or more quality time with each other. Determining what you really seek is the first step in resolving the issue. No matter what it is, your relationship doesn’t have to result in a breakup.
Talk it out.
You might be tired of hearing the phrase “communication is the key to a successful relationship,” but it’s actually true and we’re encouraging you to practice it!
Conversations about sex can start off awkward, but it’s a sensitive topic that the two of you should talk about especially when you feel out of sync. Before addressing the issue about sex drive differences, it’s good to ask how your partner’s day went and how are they doing. Maybe there’s something going through their mind that might be causing the loss of interest in sex. Encourage your partner to open up instead of criticizing them of having no sex drive. Don’t blame or shame your partner because that might make matters worse. Communicating to one another lets you understand each other and the problem more.
Negotiate.
Maybe the two of you can agree on a frequency that both of you can live with. Find out how often the two of you want to have sex in a month or in a week, and negotiate with each other. Make sure no one is pressured or forced into agreeing on the frequency. Both of you should fully and whole-heartedly agree on the negotiated frequency.
Have sex dates.
Having scheduled sex dates assures you that lovemaking will really happen, and that it will take place only as scheduled. That takes into consideration the concern of each partner.
Set the right mood.
What gets both of you in the mood? Do romantic dinners make you feel sexy? Does a messy house kill the mood? Figure out which circumstances put you each in the mood and which don’t. Once you’ve figured out these things, both of you can work together to make more stimulating circumstances, and lessen those that can ruin the mood.
The same goes for what you can do for yourself that will make you feel more confident and sexy. Have the haircut you’ve been putting out for weeks or go to the yoga class you’re interested in. Whatever it may be, go for it
Get intimate!
The conversation about not having enough sex could be stressful that you need to restart the mood and set it right. Simple ways of touching that aren’t sexual and getting intimate without leading to sex could feel nice.
On the days that you don’t have scheduled sex dates, it’s a good idea to do other activities that don’t involve sex that make you feel more connected with each other. Appreciate each other’s presence and shower your partner with nonsexual affection. During this time, try to think of ways that can awaken the erotic brain and bring up the sexual tension for when your sex date comes.
Don’t think of sex as the ultimate destination. This can bring more pressure to the partner who has a lesser sex drive.
Try supplements.
Lower sex drive really isn’t necessarily a medical concern, but if a couple chooses to boost it, there are supplements that can do so.
Over the centuries and across the globe, people have been using various plants as medicines, spices, and aphrodisiacs that are believed to be effective. But, before taking one, it’s a good thing to look back at your medical history and recall any medical condition or talk to your doctor directly about it.
Respect each other.
Respect and consent are always important no matter how long you’ve been together. Sex is much better when both partners are happily enjoying the moment without worries. It’s also good to invest in contraceptives to protect both of you from unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Sources:
https://edition.cnn.com/2017/09/21/health/mismatched-libidos-sex-kerner/index.html
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-to-do-when-libidos-dont-match_n_5ba00288e4b013b0977d9e25
https://www.healthline.com/health/damiana-ancient-aphrodisiac
