It’s always been said that communication is the secret to a successful relationship, but that includes more than just talking and discussing matters with your partner. Your actions also communicate your feelings and care for your partner.
The love languages are some ways how you can communicate love. Knowing and understanding your partner’s language will let you know how you can effectively communicate your love to them. Just as how that sappy tweet and Instagram caption goes: “find someone who speaks your language so that you don’t have to keep on translating your soul.” Have you found your ‘someone’?
How to identify your love language
Everyone expresses and feels love differently, and understanding those differences is a great step in making the relationship better and stronger. It’s good to know in what language your heart is able to perceive and understand love, and to know also what your partner’s language is. Understanding each other’s love language will help avoid miscommunication and misunderstanding.
Determining your love language involves assessing how you and your partner express love to each other, as well as in what way the both of you want to receive love or be loved. It’s also important to let your partner know what your love language is so that both of you can come to terms and know how you can make each other feel more appreciated.
Did you ever experience giving a gift to your partner, but they seem uninterested or unappreciative when you handed it to them? Maybe you express love by giving gifts, but that might not be your partner’s love language. Misunderstandings such as this could lead to hurt feelings or arguments — and we want to avoid that, right? If you want to communicate your love and adoration for your partner, do it in their primary love language.
Determining your love language might take some time, but you can take these short quizzes to help you find out. Evaluate the things that you care about and the things that don’t seem to be much of a big deal to you. Observe what are the things that delight your heart. Do gifts excite you? Do you like holding hands? Do you like it when your partner cooks for you? Although it’s important to think of your’s, what’s more important is thinking of your partner’s love language.
The Five Love Languages
Words Of Affirmation
Getting complimented feels great, but unsolicited comments are very important for people who have words of affirmation as their love language. Those in this category appreciate hearing that they are loved, as well as why and how much.
Voice messages, conversations, love letters and simple notes with sincere words of kindness and affirmation will be highly appreciated. Aside from “I love you,” you can also say other things such as: “thank you,” “I appreciate what you did/do,” or “you did great.” Even the simplest and shortest messages can already go a long way. All they want is for you to express yourself as much as you can.
On the flipside, insults and hurtful words can be devastating. Words mean a lot to them and they won’t easily forget what you say. So be careful of the words that come out of your mouth when talking to those who have this love language.
Undivided attention is the way to the hearts of those who have quality time as their love language. It can be hard to schedule some bonding time in today’s busy world, but making one-on-one time for your partner is extremely important. Time is gold, and they take that seriously.
Watching movies on Netflix, stargazing, road trips, trying a new activity, bonding over a new hobby, or even talking about your future together are just some of the ways how you can give your partner quality time. Put your phones aside avoid other distractions. Focus on your partner and just be with each other.
Try not to flake on a date and check on your phone when you’re with your partner. This can be hurtful to a quality time person.
This love language doesn’t necessarily mean being materialistic or having to spend thousands of pesos. A partner who has receiving gifts as a love language looks at the thoughts and effort behind the gift, and not the price. A good gift lets your partner know that you think and care about them, especially when it’s unexpected.
A simple token of appreciation is enough to excite your partner. Whether it’s handmade or from a shop, it’s the thought that counts. Make your gift personal and special.
It’s important to never forget about special occasions such as your anniversary and your partner’s birthday. Not having a gift prepared could disappoint your partner, and giving impersonal gifts such as a gift card may make your partner think that you didn’t put much thought and effort into it.
With this love language, nothing means intimacy more than skin-to-skin contact. Any kind of physical contact with a partner that has this love language can seriously keep the sparks in the relationship. As long as the physical act is done in a loving and caring intention, it can communicate love and adoration in ways that words can’t.
Giving your partner hugs and kisses, holding their hand, spoiling them with massages — the list is endless! The more you touch them and they touch you, the more love is being communicated in every skin-to-skin contact. A touch of your love is enough to sweep them off their feet!
Physical neglect can dampen your partner’s feelings, and physical abuse is a sure way to damage the relationship. Treat your partner well and make sure that you aren’t hurting them in how you give them physical contact.
Acts Of Service
Doing the dishes and sweeping the floor may not look romantic, but these simple acts of service can seriously light up a partner in this category. Easing the burden of responsibility and doing things for them already means a lot. For an acts of service kind of partner, actions definitely speak louder than words.
Preparing a romantic dinner, surprising them with breakfast in bed, making sure the house is tidied up, and running errands for your partner are just some of the acts of service that you can do for them. Nothing is sexier than a thoughtful and responsible partner!
Laziness, making a mess, neglecting surroundings — basically anything that will increase your partner’s workload will definitely disappoint them.
I can’t choose one. Is it possible to have more than one?
People can also have more than one love language. Sometimes two different languages are equally important, and that’s alright. There are no rules about having to pick just one!
I’m not in a romantic relationship. Does that mean I don’t have a love language?
The five love languages aren’t just enclosed in the realm of romantic relationships. They can also be applied in any other relationship. Whether it’s with your mother, your cousin, or your friend, the love languages can help you show your love and empathy to someone you care for.
Can it change?
Love languages can also grow and evolve. They may change as circumstances change: maybe you suddenly seek for physical touch because your best friend is all away across the globe and you miss her reassuring hugs; or perhaps your love language is acts of service and your partner is always preoccupied doing things for you, which could make you want more quality time. No matter what you seek for, what’s important is that you are vocal about it to your partner.
Will our relationship still work out even if we have different love languages?
Of course it will! It’s normal for you and your partner to have different love languages, but that doesn’t mean that things won’t work out. What you both need to do is to be vocal about your personal preferences so that you both know how to make each other feel loved and appreciated.