Picture this: You’ve been swiping endlessly and had a fair share of so-so dates. Then, finally, you meet someone where there’s a real connection. Whether it’s on the third, fifth, or tenth date, or even if you decide to head home together after the first date, most of us don’t brace ourselves for the chance that the intimate moments might not match the awesome chemistry we’ve been feeling.
Getting down and dirty is just one piece of a healthy partnership; but for a lot of us, it’s a big deal. Now, it can be a real bummer if your first time getting intimate with a new partner leaves you scratching your head or feeling a bit let down. But here’s the real deal: this happens to a bunch of people — and the good news is, sex can get better with time and communication. Of course, easier said than done, right?
So, how can you make sure you have a mind-blowing experience when you bustle in the bedroom the next time?
Check out your partner’s vibes before getting intimate
If you’re not keen on diving into the sex talk right away, no worries. Pay attention to the non-verbal signals—they say a lot about what to expect in the bedroom. Take note of the level of physical contact beforehand: hand squeezes, smooches, touching. See if they’re taking the lead or keeping things on the low-key side.
Try things out on your own
How can you expect someone else to hit the mark if you’re not even sure what you want, right?
Doing a bit of self-discovery is a solid way to figure out your preferences. Perhaps with past partners, you didn’t really get the chance or feel the need to sort out your desires. But once you get cozy with yourself through some solo time and figuring things out, talking to your partner about what you want becomes way easier, and the bedroom fun follows suit.
Don’t be shy—speak up or take charge
If you’re into it and want to keep things going, no need to wait until later to spill the beans on what you’re into and what’s a no-go.
Any good partner is all about making you happy, right? So, why not give them a little help? Offer some pointers and throw in some compliments while you’re at it. If something feels good, let them know. And if you’re not all about the verbal stuff during the act, use some non-verbal moves. Guide their hand or shift things around to show them what’s up. But, hey, if you try all that and they’re still not getting the memo, it might be time to use your words and say something.
Some final words…
If the second time still leaves you feeling a bit meh, figure out why. Consider what could’ve spiced things up. Were you feeling jittery or stuck in your own thoughts? Maybe your partner seemed a bit on edge? This is where a good old chat comes in handy. Check in with your partner. Ask if they had a good time, what they enjoyed, and if there’s anything that wasn’t their jam. If you’re not totally on the same page, toss out some compliments and throw in a suggestion for next time. Keeping it casual like, “What if we switch things up a bit next time?” or “I really liked it when you did that thing, let’s do more of that next time.” And if straight-up saying what you want feels a bit awkward, try asking, “Can I share some ideas for next time?”
Remember that you deserve to have only the best — even in the bedroom!
Sources:
Friedman, J. (April 17, 2019). If Sex Isn’t Good At First, Is Your Relationship Doomed? (Spoiler: No.). Refinery 29. https://www.refinery29.com/en-ca/bad-sex-relationships-communication
Ferrante, C. (July 31, 2021). So, the Sex was Bad. Now What? A Certified Sex Therapist and Clinical Sexologist Weighs In. The Every Girl. https://theeverygirl.com/bad-sex-advice/
