Virginity has different meanings.
There really isn’t just one definition of virginity. It can have a lot of different meanings, and can vary from person to person. Virginity really doesn’t have any medical or scientific meaning, nor does it serve as a basis for anything.
A lot of people believe that vaginal penetration with a penis is the only way to “lose” virginity — however, that’s not applicable for all. Sex can also mean oral stimulation or anal penetration.
No matter how you define virginity, what’s important is that you decide when you’re ready and comfortable to have sex, without being pressured or forced.
There’s no cherry to “pop”.
You’ve probably heard about the famous legend that the hymen will break and bleed during the first time. People would after refer to it as “popping the cherry.” We’re here to tell you that it’s all a myth!
The hymen is a thin, elastic hymen that lines the vaginal opening — it doesn’t completely cover it like how the myth claims. It can come in different shapes and sizes, and there are also those who were born without a hymen. In a lot of cases, the hymen has already been torn even before having sex. Strenuous activities, sports, and even riding a bicycle can tear the hymen.
The hymen may or may not tear during penetrative sex. If it does, there will only be very minimal bleeding. It’s not going to soak up all the sheets in blood!
Some people believe in the myth that the hymen determines the virginity status, but the hymen really doesn’t have any scientific or medical worth. There is no way to determine whether a person is a virgin or not — unless they tell you
Your body won’t change.
Having sex the first time won’t make any changes to your body that would let people know that you’ve done it. You may experience some temporary things going on in your body, but these are physiological reactions related to sexual arousal. These may include a swollen vulva, erect penis, rapid breathing, sweating, and flushed skin.
It’s not going to be like the movies or porn.
What you see on movies and porn aren’t always like reality for most people — everyone experiences sex differently! Don’t set your standards or expectations based on what you see on your screens.
The first time may not be “magical”.
Your first time is probably going to be awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassing.
The friction from penetration may be uncomfortable, but the first time shouldn’t hurt. If it does, that could be because there isn’t enough lubrication — a personal lubricant can easily solve this!
A water-based lube such as EZ Lubricating Jelly might be the easiest and most accessible for you. You can check out the nearest convenience store or drugstore. In some cases, painful sex could also be caused by an underlying condition. Have your doctor check you if sex is always painful for you. They could help you find out what’s up.
No matter how much you fantasize about yourself in your favorite romcom movie, your first time may or may not be as magical as that. Things can get awkward especially if both of you are “virgins”
Don’t forget about foreplay.
A hearty meal is much better when you eat it hot, right? Same goes with sex! It gets better if you do foreplay first to heat up the moment and make sure that you’re both properly aroused (especially for vagina-owners so that they get to produce natural lubrication).
Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) can be transferred in ways you never thought they could.
There are different ways on how you can transfer or get STIs, and vaginal penetration is only one of them. They can also spread through anal penetration and oral stimulation, no matter if you’re the giver or receiver. This is why protection is very important, especially condoms because they’re the only barrier contraceptive that can protect you from most STIs. Explore the different contraceptive methods to find out which one works for you.
Yes, pregnancy can happen even if it’s your first time.
Pregnancy can happen anytime as long as there is vaginal penetration with a penis, even if it’s your first time. If a person ejaculates inside the vagina or near the vaginal opening, it can happen. Contraceptives such as condoms can keep you protected.
It’s okay if you don’t orgasm the first time.
There’s no guarantee that you’ll orgasm, especially on your first time. It could be because of comfort levels, a medical condition, or you didn’t get the right stimulation yet to make you reach climax. You’ll get there, too! Exploring yourself can help you find which spots and stimulations you like.
Your penis might be uncooperative.
You might orgasm sooner than you expected, or you might not even orgasm at all. It’s also possible for your penis to have a difficult time getting or staying erect. It’s your first time having sex, and the anxiety might be getting in the way.
Talk to your doctor if you orgasm quickly or your penis is uncooperative every time you have sex.
Being comfortable with each other may help you orgasm.
Being comfortable with yourself, your partner, and the experience as a whole can help you achieve orgasm easier. Your body is more responsive to arousal and stimulation when you’re comfortable, which will make you feel more pleasure and sensation. As those feelings build up throughout sex, that could lead to orgasm.
Orgasm isn’t always the goal.
Orgasms send pleasure throughout your body that feels really good. Yup, they’re great! But they aren’t always the goal of sex. What really matters is that you and your partner are both comfortable and enjoying the experience.
Things can get weird after.
You and your partner may have questions after sex like “do we have to do this everytime we’re together,” or “what does this mean to our relationship now”; You may have complicated answers, but make sure you’re both open and honest about your feelings as you talk through these issues.
Say what you want.
You know what you want, and your partner can’t read your mind — so speak up! Don’t be afraid to be vocal to your partner about your needs and desires, and encourage your partner to open up as well. Being open and honest about your wants and expectations the first time you have sex will make the experience the best that it can be.
You can say no anytime.
If you’re uncomfortable with something or you don’t want to continue on, it’s alright to say no and stop at any point. You shouldn’t be forced or pressured by your partner to do something or continue to have sex. This doesn’t only apply to your first time — you have the right to say ‘no’ every time you have sex.
When it’s your partner who says ‘no,’ respect their decision and don’t shame them for saying so. Also, try not to take it personally because what made them stop may not even have anything to do with you. Talk with each other and listen to what each of you have to say.
You determine when is the “right time” for you.
It’s normal to feel pressured to have sex sooner than when you’re actually ready. Only you can decide when you want to have sex the first time. If you think it’s not yet the right time for you, that’s alright. Wait until you’re ready — there’s no need to rush!
Sex, love, and intimacy aren’t the same.
Sex is a physical activity, just like running. It’s not the same as love, romance, intimacy, or emotional bond. How you view sex is up to you. Some do it only with a partner they love, while others have sex without emotional bond with multiple people.
What matters is that you and your partner are open and honest with each other about what you expect after your first time to have sex.
It won’t lessen your worth.
Some people may have religious beliefs about sex, while others may not. Having sex doesn’t lessen your worth, neither does it determine your value in this world. Sex is just a normal, healthy activity that doesn’t have moral or spiritual bearing.
The first time will not determine how it’s going to be like forever.
If your first time wasn’t so great or didn’t reach your expectations, that’s totally okay! That doesn’t mean that your second, third, or hundredth time will be the same. You can try it again and again as much as you want. The experience will also depend on your partner, level of experience, willingness to explore new things, and so much more.
Don’t forget protection!
Protection will be your next best buddy! It’s good to know about how you can keep yourself protected and the different contraceptive methods you can choose from.
Contraceptives will protect you from unplanned pregnancies and STIs so that you can enjoy sex all you want without worries. There are a lot to choose from, and talking to your healthcare provider can help you decide which one fits you best.