Journaling is just like meditating, but you’re putting your thoughts into words. If you had a diary when you were younger, journaling isn’t a new concept to you.
Journaling has always been an effective therapeutic technique for reflecting on thoughts and feelings. It encourages people to express themselves through writing and to contextualize past emotional experiences, helps them process emotions, practice gratitude, and be more present with their lives. But there’s one topic you might’ve never thought of including in your journal: sex.
Having a sex journal can be good for your sexual wellness. Here’s what a sex journal can do for you and how you can start your own.
What’s a sex journal?
A sex journal is exactly as what its name suggests: a diary about sex! In this journal, you keep track of your sex life and add a layer of mindfulness to it.
You can write about anything and everything related to your sexuality and experiences, and it helps you reflect on your feelings, experiences, desires, and fantasies.
Just like all other journaling practices, a sex journal is beneficial for your mental health, your sex life, and your relationship with your partner.
Here are some reasons why you should start your own sex journal.
It helps you process your experience
When you’re having sex, you’re more focused on what’s happening, so it’s difficult to process exactly what you’re feeling at that moment. Having a sex journal gives you time and space to process and interpret your experience.
Sex should be a safe experience. But when you feel discomfort at some point, journaling your experience will figure out what went wrong and how to improve your next encounter.
It helps you grow sexually
As you document what you like and dislike during sex, you also become more self-aware of your sexual habits. You get to know which habits you’d like to continue or stop so you can improve your experience.
Besides diving deeper into your sexuality, you might learn more about your sex drive as well. Journaling your sexual experience lets you slow down and be more aware of your motivations.
You might uncover patterns that could have been influencing when or why you want to have sex. Taking note of how your experiences and feelings help shed light on these patterns and can help you adjust your lifestyle and motivations as well.
It helps you communicate better
For some, sex is still a difficult topic to talk about. But you’ll have to talk about it with your partner if you want to improve your sex life.
One of the most important discussions to have as partners is what you like and don’t like during sex.
Yes, it could get awkward between you two when you open up these things. But avoiding the discussion will only keep you from having the awesome sex life you both deserve!
Journaling about what you liked and didn’t like during sex will make it easier for you to open these things up to your partner. It might also help talking about the things you want to try or you think can improve your experience.
How can I start a sex journal?
The best thing about journaling is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. So, if you’re ready to start your sex journal, here are some tips to get you started.
Set your intentions
Think of what you’d like to get from journaling. Do you want to have better communication with your partner? Do you want to have a more intimate connection? Do you want to set boundaries?
Whatever your purpose is, keep in mind that you’re writing for just one audience: yourself!
Write about what makes you feel sexy
Writing about the things that make you feel sexy can help you be in touch and explore your sexuality. Try completing the following sentences to get you started on reflecting:
- What I loved about today was ___.
- What turns me on is ___.
- What makes me feel sexy is ___.
Explore your dreams or fantasies
Journaling is a way for you to think about your fantasies and express them freely.
Talking about sexual fantasies is often uncomfortable for most couples. But when you see them on paper, you might find it easier to open up and share them with your partner.
Free-writing about your sexual dreams and fantasies might be easier when you’ve gotten the hang of journaling.
Record and rate your sexual experiences
Think of the quantity and quality of orgasms you had, any pain or discomfort you experienced, the level of intimacy or kink you felt, a new sexual activity you tried (such as roleplaying or bondage), the duration of foreplay you had, how much you enjoyed the entire experience, etc. Your ratings can be based on factors like safety and enjoyment.
This might be the key to finding out what you like and don’t like in bed. And communicating these things to your partner will let you have the best sex possible!
Draw a body map
This is a great activity if you’re feeling artsy!
Draw an outline of your body and mark the spots that you enjoy being touched or stimulated. Then, write the kind of stimulation you like, as well as the amount of pressure you find pleasurable.
Drawing a body map may not be ideal for everyday journaling. But since desires change, the places you like to be touched might also be different later on. You might want to do this as a monthly reflection.
Write about your feelings
Many of the common problems in the bedroom—such as pain and sexual dysfunction— arise from how you react to sex emotionally. Aside from just focusing on the act, dig deeper into your emotions.
Did something make you feel embarrassed or unsexy? Did you feel pressured or frustrated at some point? Why do you think you felt these things?
When you get answers to these questions, it will be easier to find solutions and figure out how you can react the next time you encounter the same situation.
But, of course, you don’t have to just focus on negative emotions. You should also journal about positive emotions and experiences that you enjoyed.